On Courtly Love. Therapy, or Affection?

“Men have written much, muttered more and understand nothing of our Court of Ladies and my Code of Poitiers,” says Eleanor of Aquitaine, dictating her memoirs to her young scribe, Aline.

After troubled marriages to two kings, Eleanor staged a dramatic protest against her husband King Henry II’s lust for his mistress. She packed her household into seven ships and crossed the Channel to establish her “Court of Ladies” in Poitiers. In Eleanor’s day, noble and royal woman might be summarily cast off, sent to convents or housed in distant castles while their lords took new wives or mistresses. Eleanor comments, from experience, “The Church continues to censure this failing in princes with a blind eye, a deaf ear and a silent tongue.” By abandoning Henry, Eleanor threw the first blow.

Around the year 1100, the concept of “courtly love” (amour courtois) or “fine love” (fin ’amor) took root in the princely courts of Burgundy, Provence and Aquitaine. Courtly love described an attraction between a man and a woman who were not married to each other, but felt passion for the other that might involve erotic desire, spiritual or emotional attraction, respect, admiration, or passionate love. In an age when marriage too often consummated a loveless political alliance between families, courtly love was a path to genuine affection, respect or love.

The code of chivalry grew through the twelfth century in French-speaking lands. Young men training to be knights learned more than martial arts. They learned respect for women. Many vowed to devote their duty and martial prowess to the service of a lady. A second reason why marriage and love seemed mutually exclusive in medieval Europe was that only the eldest son of a noble household was permitted to marry. This prevented multiple heirs dividing a family’s inheritance. Younger sons had to find love where they might. This they did, exchanging tokens, vows and passion with their lady, and wearing her colors in tournaments. Intriguingly, the lady was often from a higher social class.

The Church did not approve of courtly love. Young knights who had looked to priests for blessing and salvation, now looked to their lady for reassurance and support.

As for the female side of a mismatched equation, Eleanor and her Court of Ladies did not originate courts of love, but her prestige reinforced the debate. After her thirty years of trials at the courts of kings and quarrels with the patriarchal Church, her person and authority came to represent and empower amour courtois. Eleanor explains her position and her Court of Ladies: “If women are to be put to marriage without love, let us claim true love as our mystery. Love is as worthy of study as those mysteries claimed by the Church. Love! That was what we debated and judged at my Court of Ladies.” / Copyright 2010 Robert Fripp